the nra, guns, and god

being a colorado native, last friday night's shooting at the movies hit me in a different way than most, perhaps.  i was in middle school when dylan and eric went into columbine high school and opened fire.  we had family friends that went to columbine, i worked with somebody that went to columbine.  reading and hearing about last friday night also brought with it memories of gabrielle giffords, trayvon martin, and the countless victims of gun violence in my own backyard here in chicago.  friday's attacks were awful and tragic and any number of words that all feel too superficial to actually use as descriptors.  yet, not knowing anyone directly, or even indirectly (so far as i know), who was a victim or survivor of the attack, i also felt numb.  

so often i hear about gun violence, yet it tugs at my heartstrings a little bit less each time.  gun violence has become so common that the response is no longer "how many were hurt?" or "did anyone die?" but instead "how many were killed?"  it has become a relief to hear that there were injuries but no deaths due to gun violence!  that is not the way it should be!

then, it comes time to respond.  how do you possibly respond in the face of death?  president obama and mitt romney have removed their political ads from tv in colorado.  in light of the tragedy, it does seem right to stop with the attack ads.  both of them also expressed condolences and shared sympathies as fathers.  not being president or a presidential hopeful nor a parent, those are both out.  as a seminarian, reading psalm 88 today seemed right.  as a citizen, though, there is another response needed.

my deep sympathy and prayers are with all of those affected by the shooting in aurora last friday, and if you were affected directly, i hope that you take the time you need and seek out the help you need to get through this and to continue each day.  if you were not directly affected, if you felt numb when you heard or read the news, if you posted/tweeted/text-ed immediately your reactions, then i have a request of you.  they say that guns don't kill people, people kill people.  yes, people kill people, but loose gun laws make it a whole lot easier to do it.  this may be the time to stop political attack ads, but this is the time to change the politics we have regarding guns in this country.

the nra has plenty of money for lobbying, but we are plenty of people.  laws need to be changed.  there needs to be tighter restrictions on guns and ammunition as well as laws such as the stand your ground law.  if it is harder to buy guns, if there are less deadly weapons available, there will be a drop in gun violence.  it is not fair that the nra (whose views are more extreme than most of its members' views) continues to push for fewer restrictions and regulations on guns and ammunition.

this is not a red or blue issue.  this is an issue of safety for our streets, for our movie theaters, for our public officials, for our health care providers, for ourselves, and for each other.  now is the time to grieve and to mourn, but now is also the time to change.  change can come from laws.  congressional representatives and state representatives have power.  call, email, visit (if at all possible, this is the best option), get the facts on gun violence and then make your views known to your representatives, find out their views, make sure they know that you'll be paying attention to how they vote on the george zimmerman armed vigilante acts (this would require states to allow people like george zimmerman, the man who followed, shot, and killed trayvon martin, to get conceal and carry permits).  check out how your state is doing on strength of gun laws (colorado's at a mere 15 out of 100).

jesus did not carry a weapon, he was killed by one.  he did not advocate for violence, in his actions and his words he advocated for non-violence.  in matthew 5, jesus commands us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us.  we need healing and we get healing by repairing relationships, accounting for damage done, and finding ways to make sure the same thing doesn't happen again.  locking up james holmes will not solve the problem and will not heal the pain.  loving our enemy means finding a way to keep it from happening again.  it means praying for james holmes, that he might find help and that he might know the transformative grace of god.  it means working to repair our broken communities.  it means stopping gun violence.

like with so much else in our country and in our world, if we do not take steps now, in the immediate aftermath of the shootings, to change our culture of violence, to work to end gun violence, especially, then in a few days or a few weeks, the country will relapse, it will forget the tragedy, just like it has for so many victims of gun violence over even just the last year.  now has to be the time to act.

mixed feelings

today is a momentous day in a few different ways.

today, may 15, 2012 the lutheran school of theology at chicago's board of directors voted for lstc to become a reconciling in christ seminary, joining in the proclamation of the gospel with sister seminaries plts and ltsp, and many congregations, synods, and other organizations and colleges.  how exciting it is to be part of this process and to be part of a community that is committed not only to wanting diverse people of all sexual orientations and gender identities at lstc, but that is also committed to talking about our differences and engaging with each other so that we might all recognize each other as the beloved children of god that we are.

i am so excited that this process, which involved a lot of congregation has so wonderfully set the stage for a proclamation that calls us to continue and really get down to the messy business that is being church differently together.  i am also grateful for the huge amounts of support and leadership from so many people at lstc: students, staff, faculty, alum, and board members.  it has been a long journey so far and it is just beginning :)

at the same time, today was the last day that i will see gerry, jackie, and addie working together in the cafeteria.  after my last lunch, i dawdled, taking pictures, hugging, and trying to say good-bye in a way that was authentic to our experiences of working and being in community together.  leaving the cafeteria today was sad and i will deeply miss what it has been for me over the last two years.

i am also leaving today on the train to see my grandmother for what will likely be the last time on this side of death.  she is 91 years old and approaching the eleventh anniversary of granddaddy's death.  every time we would visit granny, she would take me to church with her and i would get so excited to go to mass with her and the coffee girls and then afterwards to go for coffee and pastries and to talk.  these women nurtured me in the faith in a way that i can never forget.

so, as i begin the long journey east to connecticut, i go hoping and praying that i am able to see granny one more time and that i am able to be present with her and simply love her.  she has journeyed a long and difficult road and in the last few weeks i have realized how little is left.  through it all, though, she has been my granny and i love her.

1 john 3:16-24

we know love by this, that he laid down his life for us—and we ought to lay down our lives for one another. how does god’s love abide in anyone who has the world’s goods and sees a brother or sister in need and yet refuses help? little children, let us love, not in word or speech, but in truth and action. and by this we will know that we are from the truth and will reassure our hearts before him whenever our hearts condemn us; for god is greater than our hearts, and she knows everything. beloved, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have boldness before god; and we receive from him whatever we ask, because we obey god's commandments and do what pleases her.

and this is god's commandment, that we should believe in the name of his son jesus christ and love one another, just as god has commanded us. all who obey god's commandments abide in her, and god abides in them. and by this we know that god abides in us, by the spirit that he has given us.

for me, this passage speaks to more than a pietistic "be nice" attitude.  this is serious!  we're talking about dying here!  now, granted, i have no idea what i would be willing to die for.  let's face it, until we're in a situation and faced with death, we can never know exactly how we will react. 

even so, for me this goes back to my j-term class, called "urban peacemaking in a culture of violence."  in the class we talked a lot about nonviolence as a way of life.  we met with people from ceasefire, a group working to end gun violence by interrupting conflict before it gets the chance to escalate and by educating youth.  we met with christian peacemaker team folks who are invited to conflict ridden areas to intervene, or get in the way, to help those who are in danger of violence.  we met with all sorts of people who are living nonviolently, or at least trying to.

one of the most profound things i took from the class was the realization that nonviolence is not a hobby, it's not easy, and it's certainly not without risks.  committing my life to nonviolence is not about being safe, it's about being willing to take the risks that those who use violence, in wars, in neighborhoods, in lives, are willing to take.  if i am not willing to risk my life to stop war and end conflicts nonviolently, then how much can i complain about war and the lives risked to stop war and end conflicts violently?  i have to be willing to put not necessarily my money, but my body where my mouth is; to lay down my life for another.

is the goal ever to die?  no, but if i'm not willing to do it, then the impact of my nonviolent actions is severely limited.  the impact of my love for another just as jesus loved me is lessened if my love does not include my life.

it doesn't have to start huge.  maybe it starts with intervening when a parent is at the end of their rope and yelling at the kid and just giving the parent a moment to breathe.  maybe it starts with intervening when somebody's kicking a dog.  like almost any time i've ever tried to follow god's call in my life, it starts small, but with a mind shifted and committed to nonviolence, then god gets to work and makes it huge.  god is amazing.  she always finds a way to make anything i try bigger and bigger until it really is a way of life for me; a part of who i am.

there and back ... or here all along

a few weeks ago in systematics we talked about heaven and hell and whether they were real and if they were what they were like (a place in the sky/below the ground, some other universe, a recreation of this place, etc.).  one of the things that came up for me was that a lot of folks i know don't necessarily believe in hell as a place you could go when you die (or if they do, they don't think anybody actually ends up there), but there is a lot of support for the concept of "hell on earth." 

soldiers have talked about it for years, being in the trenches, in the fighting as being hell on earth.  queerfolk have talked about living closeted in an extremely oppressive context as hell on earth.  people in abusive relationships have talked about hell on earth.  especially if the understanding of hell is a place without god, children who are victims of neglect can know hell on earth.  so, while i don't necessarily believe in hell as a place of fire and brimstone where people could end up when they die, i do believe in hell as something that can (and does) happen here and now in our lives.

but what about heaven?  general consensus seems to dictate that heaven is a place where "good" people go when they die, a place in the sky, a place with god always, a new jerusalem, any number of things.  but what if neither heaven nor hell is that kind of a place?  what if heaven is also a place on earth?  when we got into that line of thinking in class, our ta, gretchen, called "heaven on earth" moments kairos moments. 

kairos is one of two words for time in greek, the other is chronos.  chronos means time in the sense of a clock or calendar; it's the primary way that we refer to time here in the us.  kairos, on the other hand, means time as in god's time.  the fulfillment of god's time. kairos is transcendent.  it occurs where/when god comes and lifts up.  this understanding connects with heaven as the place resurrection happens.

heaven is not a place far away (though it could be that too), heaven is the kairos moments of life; the resurrection moments.  this means, also, that resurrection is not just something that happens after we take our last breath.  resurrection happens here and now. 

heaven on earth is the peace that comes in a community gathered to celebrate and rejoice in god's work calling us together.  heaven on earth is the feeling of wholeness that comes from being told, you--the whole you--are called to ministry and your gifts are various and diverse and your queerness is a gift for ministry!  heaven on earth is the sunset over the mountain tops after as you sit watching and talking with a dearly beloved. 

heaven on earth is the moment on easter morning as the sun is rising where i am 100% certain that christ is risen and any moment all the dead will rise to walk the streets of life!  heaven on earth is when you hear, feel, taste god calling you into wholeness, into a vocation.  heaven on earth is that feeling in parker palmer's definition of vocation as "This is something I can't not do, for reasons I'm unable to explain to anyone else and don't fully understand myself but that are nonetheless compelling." 

heaven on earth is the moment the hell of the closet, the trenches, the isolation, the despair leaves and your chest, which has been so bound and restricted by the tightness of stress and anxiety and depression, loosens as you begin to breathe again the deep, full breaths of freedom and love.  heaven on earth is when that hug you've been needing, but have been unable to ask for, is given and tears flow and you are held in loving arms. 


i think that many times heaven on earth comes soon after escape from hell on earth.  it reminds me of giving birth (or what little i know of it).  from what i know the act of giving birth is like sitting on a stick of dynamite--that seems like hell if i ever knew it--and yet in the moments after giving birth, the first glimpses and sounds and feelings of new life can come heaven on earth.  the way to truly escape the hell on earth moments is with heaven on earth--kairos.


what is your hell on earth?  what is your heaven on earth?

hoodies, hijabs, and just plain racism

the news:

Trayvon Martin, a young black 17-year old male in Florida was wearing a hood walking out of an all white neighbourhood when he was shot by George Zimmerman in cold blood. His choice of weapon: Skittles and a can of ice-tea
Shaima Alawadi, a 32-year old Iraqi mother of 5 in California was brutally beaten inside of her home with a iron tire, alongside her unconscious body read a note from the perpetrator that said, “go back to your own country”

the reason:

racism.



so, i've been doing a lot of thinking and processing, and lamenting over the last few weeks and trying to figure out how to make sense of the news of trayvon and shaima's deaths.

the thing is: i can't.  they don't make sense.  they do (racism + extremely racist rhetoric and backlash, especially since obama's election + terrible new laws and government policies --> death by hate crime).  i know why these two (and so many other) people died, but it still doesn't make sense.

as a white person, i have no idea what it's like for white people to just see me and make assumptions about who i am and what my life is (or is not) worth based on their perception of my race.  as a white person, other white people see a person, not a white person.  i don't look suspicious in a hoodie (even if i try) or a hijab (i do look a bit out of place in one, though).

as a queer woman, i know what it's like for people to look at me and check my chest to make sure i'm a woman.  as a queer woman, i know what it's like for people to judge me based on my haircut and gender presentation rather than who i am.  as a queer person, i know what it's like to have to listen to homophobic and heterosexist comments from people i know and from people i don't.  as a queer woman, i know what it's like to hear sexist comments and not know how to challenge, stand up to, or stop them.

as a white person who is trying to be anti-racist, i know what it's like to hear from another white person a racist comment and not know exactly how to challenge the racism without making the person defensive, but trying anyway (and not always doing very well at it).  as a white person who is trying to be anti-racist, i know the difficulty i still have in talking about race and naming racism as racism.

as a human being, a child of god, my heart breaks when i hear of violence perpetrated against others, myself, and the whole of creation.  as a human being, a child of god, i affirm with martin king that "injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."  when there is injustice somewhere, there is no justice anywhere.  my bubble, my part of the world, is not a bubble of justice if your bubble involves injustice.

as emily, white, queer, able-bodied, lutheran, woman who is trying to be anti-racist, i know i am a sinner and cannot save myself.  as emily, white, queer, able-bodied, lutheran, woman who is trying to be anti-racist, i know i am a saint and have to hold onto my hope and trust in a god who saves us all.

what happened to shaima and trayvon was xenophobic.  it was racist.  it was wrong.  the way i dress, the way you dress, the way anyone dresses is not an excuse or justifiable reason to use violence.  in fact, there is NO reason to use violence.  it is wrong.  trayvon's death was a hate crime.  shaima's death was a hate crime.

i can't make sense of their deaths because they don't make sense.  and yet, i know why they happened.  in all of our public and political discourse in this country, we have forgotten what it means to be human.  we as a country have forgotten that women are people, not just baby-makers or ovaries.  we as a country have forgotten that people of color are people, not criminals or animals.  we as a country have forgotten that those who come to the united states now are people, not "illegals" and not unlike our ancestors (where in the last few centuries or the last few millenia).

we have, as a country, made our laws about gun safety consistently worse and worse (hence the "stand your ground" law in florida being used to justify why the man who killed trayvon has not been arrested or charged).  our criminal justice system is anything but just and certainly not "colorblind."  the rates of incarceration and the legal penalties for crimes are racist.

we as a country are not concerned about making things right after a crime (healing and restoring the communities and people who have been hurt by the crime), but instead we as a country are concerned about making people pay (punishing those who commit the crime with the "injured" or affected party being the united states government) with no concern for the communities and individuals affected.

shaima and trayvon's deaths should provoke not only national discourse about racism, islamophobia, and xenophobia, but also gun laws and criminal (in)justice in this country.  the only lobbyists regarding gun laws are the ones connected to the nra!

we need to be the lobbyists who will tell our elected representatives that we want stricter gun control laws, less weapons, no more extended magazines (as were used by jared loughner, the man who shot rep. giffords in arizona).  the only way for us to change laws is to become the lobbyists ourselves.  for too long we as a country have trusted our elected representatives to do what is in the best interests of our country and of the world.  nothing will change and they will not do that unless we pressure them.

call your representatives.  go to their rallies.  write to them.  email them.  meet with them.  protest them.  tell them your story.  vote!  it is the only hope we have of changing things through the government.  they will not change unless we press them to.

the only way we have of ending racism, islamophobia, and xenophobia is to talk about it.  nothing will change (for the better...things might change for the worse) if we don't talk.  we need to talk to each other and to others.  we need to share our stories and be human with each other.  without that, we have no hope.  this past week, i was honored to be a part of my seminary community's acknowledgment of the sin of racism and the impact it continues to have not only in coastal states, but right here in our neighborhood of chicago.  it was my proudest moment to wear a collar with my hoodie and to be together in solidarity mourning and searching for hope.


in, with, and under all of this, my hope and my trust is in a god who creates everything out of chaos and nothing-ness.  my hope and my trust is in a god who brings good news to the oppressed, binds up the brokenhearted, proclaims liberty to the captives, and release to the prisoners.  my hope and my trust is in a god who, when the oppressive powers of the world hang god on a tree to kill him, responds with resurrection.

my senior year

i took this picture my senior year of college when i was in photography.  it was for the self-portrait assignment "my presence without me."  i remain amazed at how much this still holds true for me.  after spending a year in slovakia and now being in the second half of my second year of seminary in chicago, i still find myself drawn to these three things in my life.

my chacos.  my chacos go with me everywhere.  they let me be me.  i can travel basically all i want in them, they are comfortable and supportive, and they travel with me.  though i have now gone through at least one pair of chacos since the ones in the picture, i have somehow managed to keep the same style throughout the replacement pairs.

my chacos connect me to camp, to argentina, south africa, slovakia, new york, colorado; to home.  that is it!  my senior year of high school, when my parents split up, i lost my home.  home could no longer be the house i grew up in because only one parent lived there.  home became where i was and so my chacos have become my sense of home as well.

my journal.  to this day i write in my journal and it fits even more into this picture now than it did when i first took it.  while in slovakia i journaled every day.  some days were longer, some shorter, but i kept track of my experiences and what i was grateful for each day.  now, two years later, i'm re-reading my journal and the experiences i have remind me of who i am and have become.

there are things about slovakia that i remember and have become distorted over the years.  negative things grew and positive things shrank, but now, as i re-read i am reminded far more of the positives than of the negatives.  this is part of why i continue to journal; it helps me express myself and make sense of my day and the world around me.  and as i now end with tgi (what i am trusting, grateful for, and inspired by) and a place i've seen god, i put even my worst days into a bit of perspective.  not taking away the pain or the anger or the hurt, but adding back in a bit more of the hope.

not everything i experience can be described with words, but i have mementos glued in and sometimes resort to coloring or drawing to express myself and those assortments of colors, when i look back on them, certainly say more than a thousand words could have.

my camera.  my camera still goes with me.  it documents my life and through it i create art.  it helps me express myself when words just can't capture a moment or feeling.  as i shaved my head this week, i made sure to take pictures before, during, and after.  pictures will help remind me of the stories of my youth when i tell them to my children and grandchildren some day.  i remember looking at my mom's pictures from when she was young and i still enjoy looking through family photo albums and i cannot wait to share the joy of pictures with those who will be in my family (or "family") of the future.

don't it always seem to go

don't it always seem to go
that you don't know what you got till it's gone
they paved paradise and put up a parking lot 
                    (counting crows)

now, i realize that i am more tightly connected to the refectory than most others at school, but that also means that i know the power of the refectory better than many others.  the whole process of budget cuts envisioning has left me feeling a bit helpless in general.  this has improved as the president has begun to meet with students more regularly, but significant damage has already been done.  at the beginning of the year we did an envisioning exercise during which two themes arose (as i recall):

1-as students we both want and need more practical classes; we need to be able to connect our classes to our future ministry in real ways.

2-we want (and struggle to find) community.  with the busy schedules and myriad of activities available each week, it is not surprising that we have trouble with finding and creating community.  there are, however, two key places that community happens at lstc.  one is chapel.  as we engage together in daily worship, we come together with god and with each other to explore, to question, to struggle, to pray, to worship, and on wednesdays: to eat.  we share communion, community.

the other place that community happens is in the refectory.  throughout the bible and throughout my life food has been and continues to be something around which people gather.  a key component to hospitality, as sarah and abraham showed for the angels, is food.  food can just be nourishment, but when we come together to enjoy food and conversation, it becomes more than mere nourishment.

studies have shown that eating in front of a computer or tv is not good for health.  eating in community helps me and others to slow down in the midst of a busy day or week.  it helps me engage with others, catch up on life, be fed emotionally and physically.  as the refectory functions, with the amazing ministry of hospitality of gerry, jackie, and addie.  gerry gets what students are going through and works hard to make good food affordable.

one of my favorite times of the week happens each wednesday.  at 11:00 we head to chapel and as a community we hear the word preached and share the meal and then we flow over into the refectory for lunch and conversation.  this happens because of what the refectory provides.  there is food and drink, but more importantly, there is community.

staff and faculty reside in such different places, but all of us gather in the refectory.  not everyone utilizes the refectory, some people go home to make lunch, and i imagine they still will after the renovations and changes, but for now many of us come for a warm meal; for chicken pot pie, crispitos, quiche, and so many other delicious meals that gerry makes.

people come for the food and stay for the community, but if the food becomes the same kind of food that we can make at home for cheaper, then there won't be anything to bring people in the door and as much as we struggle for community now, that struggle will be even greater.  gerry works as hard as he does because he understands that what he does is ministry, but we will be hard-pressed to find another person who can run the refectory with the understanding that it is ministry.

i am afraid that we are paving paradise to put up a parking lot, but we won't know until it's too late to go back.  the refectory has been and continues to be a key ministry of lstc, but after may 15th i don't know what will become of it.  i will certainly lose a job, but i will lose a part of my ministry and i will lose my grandma, who i work with every thursday; my aunt jackie; and gerry.  the refectory is my family and that family is about to change and i'm afraid for what it will be changing into.

anxious hospitality

right now i'm supposed to be writing a paper for my ministry-in-context (mic, our version of field placement) class about congregational anxiety.  instead i'm going to blog about hospitality (there's a connection that i'm sure you'll get pretty quickly).

this weekend a friend from slovakia was visiting.  his sister (another friend) is studying abroad in washington and so he came to the usa to visit her and decided to also visit me in chicago while he was here :)  now here's the deal: one of the biggest parts of slovak culture that i remember is hospitality.  so many people showed me amazing hospitality.  there was always kava a kolačiky alebo keksy (coffee and cake-ish or crackers/snacks).  one of the big things i wanted to take with me from the year was a commitment to hospitality.  so, when i had a slovak coming to stay with me, i definitely felt the need to pull out all the stops. 

the problems are a few: 1-life is way more hectic than i would like it to be.  2-hospitality makes me anxious.  3-i'm living on student loans.

1-i tend to say yes to most things.  i know i'm an introvert and so i try to be intentional about participating in stuff.  that meant, however, that when my friend came, i had work the first day, my friend's ordination the third day, a meeting after church the fourth day, and class the morning he left (the fifth day).  i was busy.  we still got to hang out on friday and sunday, but i wish we could've hung out more and i could have really shown him more of chicago (it would also help if i knew more of chicago to show him, but i'm working on that).

2-i received such incredible hospitality in slovakia and i really want to show generous (maybe even extravagant) hospitality to others, especially slovaks, but it's hard.  i worry that i am not offering enough stuff, that i'm not spending enough time, that i'm not praying at the right times, that i'm messing it up.  i want to represent myself well, but sometimes i worry so much about it that i get in the way of just sitting and being.  hospitality is just so important to me that i have trouble getting it right.

3-complicating number 2, i don't have a ton of money to spend on hospitality.  i have a fair amount of food at my disposal (thanks to my job in the cafeteria and the leftovers i occasionally get to take home), but i don't have the means to pull out all the stops.  and yet, i try.  i try to buy dinner and make sure things are taken care of, but it too stresses me out.

so, i really appreciate hospitality and strive to be hospitable to others, but it's a stressful thing.  on top of all the rest, my roommate (or soon-to-be-roommate) is coming back to the apartment in two days (my friend left this morning), so there's a pretty quick turnover.  i'd like the place to be clean for her for a variety of reasons, but fairly back-to-back visits and travel makes it pretty tough. 

i was blessed by my friend, however, because sunday, when we decided not to go up the sears tower, he voluntarily (i tried multiple times to tell him it was fine or it was as good as it was going to get) did the dishes after lunch and then cleaned the stove!  he cleaned it better than it was when i moved in in august!  this morning while i was at class, he cleaned the sink as well!!  i struggle and i stressed and i did my best to be hospitable and yet he left my apartment far cleaner than when he found it and blessed me enormously by his presence, his friendship, and our conversations and time to reconnect (and, of course, the delicious slovak chocolate).

i am so far beyond grateful that others are way more gifted at both giving and receiving hospitality than i am.

god builds us a home in christ, advent 4

"Now when the king was settled in his house, and the Lord had given him rest from all his enemies around him, the king said to the prophet Nathan, 'See now, I am living in a house of cedar, but the ark of God stays in a tent.' Nathan said to the king, 'Go, do all that you have in mind; for the Lord is with you.'

But that same night the word of the Lord came to Nathan: Go and tell my servant David: Thus says the Lord: Are you the one to build me a house to live in? I have not lived in a house since the day I brought up the people of Israel from Egypt to this day, but I have been moving about in a tent and a tabernacle. Wherever I have moved about among all the people of Israel, did I ever speak a word with any of the tribal leaders of Israel, whom I commanded to shepherd my people Israel, saying, 'Why have you not built me a house of cedar?' Now therefore thus you shall say to my servant David: Thus says the Lord of hosts: I took you from the pasture, from following the sheep to be prince over my people Israel; and I have been with you wherever you went, and have cut off all your enemies from before you; and I will make for you a great name, like the name of the great ones of the earth. And I will appoint a place for my people Israel and will plant them, so that they may live in their own place, and be disturbed no more; and evildoers shall afflict them no more, as formerly, from the time that I appointed judges over my people Israel; and I will give you rest from all your enemies. Moreover the Lord declares to you that the Lord will make you a house. Your house and your kingdom shall be made sure forever before me; your throne shall be established forever."

- 2 Samuel 7:1-11,16

As we’ve moved through advent, nativity sets have come out.  We each have our own special place for the nativity set, whether it’s on a table in the living room, on the mantle, or by the front window.  Each year as advent begins, the pieces come out from their boxes where they have been kept safe: out of reach of children and pets.  And so, as the assembly begins, the sheep and the cows find their place under the shelter of the small stable, the shepherds are to the side with the sheep.  The magi, or kings, balance out the shepherds on the other side with their three gifts.   

The manger is, of course, front and center with its nice clean hay ready to hold the savior of the world.  Then the family appears around the manger, with the young, beautiful Mary, full of life with rosy cheeks appearing to have had the easiest time giving birth in all of history and handsome young, bearded, Joseph, with his arm lovingly wrapped around Mary gazing expectantly at the manger.   

And, finally, Jesus.  The sweet, little, close to a year-old-looking, baby, wrapped in nice, clean cloth, with his thick blond hair, blue eyed head peeking out, arms extended.

Advent is one of the best times to recognize our need to make God in our image.  So often in Christmas stories and movies and even in many nativity sets we find a Jesus made to look like many Northern European Lutheran ancestors. 

When we come up with images for Jesus, do we imagine someone from the Middle East?  Do we imagine Jesus in terms of dark, olive skin, rough, curly hair?  Or do we still imagine Jesus with blue eyes and blond hair?  The same can be said for how we think about Jesus’ titles.  Do we call him Savior?  King?  Friend?  Companion or Lord?  Christ?  What about Judge?  Decider?  Rebel?  Radical?

In today’s reading, David wants to build a house for God, a place for God to permanently dwell.  Now, maybe David’s intentions are pure, responding to God’s love and protection by building God a house…

But somehow, I think his intentions are probably not quite so pure, I know mine usually aren’t as pure as I would like them to be. 

By building a house for God, David would be constraining or limiting God; domesticating God, if you will.  He would be making God’s dwelling permanent, limiting the dynamic, transcending, and perhaps transient nature of God. 

I have to admit, I can relate to David’s desire to domesticate God.  I use words that are helpful in talking about God, like God is good and loving, and does good things, but those words are never.     quite.     enough.    because God is bigger than we could ever imagine. 

God’s ways are not our ways and so we are able to perceive only in part who God is and how God is.  God is so much more than I could ever imagine!  It’s like the Mercy Me song, “I can only imagine.”  I have no idea what it could possibly be like to be fully in the presence of God!  I have no idea what I will do, not to mention I have absolutely no clue what God will do, say, think, or even be!  

Thinking too much about the mystery of God can get pretty intimidating, especially with all of the examples in the Bible of God being angry or of God’s justice being understood as something to fear.  I want God to be my little pet that’s warm and furry and waits around all day until I come home and then loves and comforts me. 

That would be a pretty easy God to handle and then I’d know that God was always with me.  God would be in my house, waiting for me to get home and protecting me and my family.  Nice and safe.

But that’s not really what I want.  I want and, more importantly, I need a God who is not like me.        I mess up.       I am a sinner and I know that my good intentions can oftentimes be totally misguided, so what a blessing it is that God is not just like me!  I want a God who cares about others and not just about me.  I need a God who refuses to be domesticated!

So David wants to domesticate God, but then God steps in, asking “Do you actually think you can build me a house??  I haven’t lived in a house for all this time since I rescued my people from Egypt and I still don’t live in a house!  A tent, a temporary, movable dwelling has been fine for me all this time, why should it be any different now?  In all of my wandering with my people, have I ever complained??  Have I ever asked why y’all haven’t built me a house of cedar?”

God steps in, rebuffing David’s grand plan, and asks who David thinks is in control.  Who is David to build a house for God?  Who says God even needs a house??  It’s as if God is saying, “I don’t want to live in a fancy chapel, I’m fine in the campfire so I can dwell anywhere.”  God has been just fine in the sparks of the flame, in the dance of the smoke, in the crackling of the wood, and in the community gathered around it for all this time. 

As the Church, we understand ourselves to be the body of Christ, yet oftentimes we turn the body into a building.  We decide that the chapel where we worship is the dwelling place of God, it is: “God’s house.”  Yet in today’s reading, God tells David, and, indeed, us, that God is in no way in need of a permanent dwelling place.  God has been a wanderer with us since the Exodus.           God has no need and no desire to be confined to the building we use, we build, we choose. 

God turns the tables on this desire to honor, and perhaps control God, by restricting God’s space in our lives to a building.  God declares that God will build David a house, and God is the one who builds us a house.  God constructs a resting space for us. 

That resting space is not a rest that can be found simply in a physical space, it is a rest that goes deeper.  We come today to this physical place not to rest our feet after a long week of working or skiing or traveling, we come here to find a deeper rest, a rest for our souls, our whole beings, our life forces.

We might choose this place to meet together and we do encounter God in this place, but God encounters us everywhere!  As we gather intentionally, we get a foretaste of the deeper rest that God provides for us.  We come together to worship and praise and to receive grace abundant!  We gather at the table, common, tired people to receive the body and the blood, to receive grace and a promise of more to come.

In Christ, God has established a resting place for us and it is not in any building, yet it can be in every building.  Our house, our home, our rest is in Christ and in Christ’s body, which spans both space and time.  We are not called to build a place for God to sit, we are called into God’s house.  We are called into Christ’s body.  Our rest is to be found in Christ and in God’s rule, which lasts forever. 

God assures David with a promise, saying, “Your house and your kingdom shall be made sure forever before me; your throne shall be established forever” (2 Sam. 7:16).  Similarly Gabriel assures Mary that she will bear the Son of God, Jesus Christ, who will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and whose kingdom will have no end. (Luke 1:31-33). Like David and Mary, we look toward the future with Jesus to fulfill that promise.

In this Advent season, we await the coming of Christ as a small, defenseless child and we may prepare for Jesus by making a place for him in our nativity sets.  We can chose the way we make nativity sets, which ones we buy, where we put them, and we can choose how we imagine Jesus and even give him the kind of shelter that we see fit,        but Advent isn’t just about anticipating the arrival of the infant Jesus, it’s about anticipating the return of Jesus.  Advent is about awaiting Christ’s reign; eagerly looking to the time when God’s home will be everywhere and in every way.

Amen!

sacraments for all!!

this week in class we talked about the sacraments and luther's understanding of the sacraments.  the discussion that i found especially meaningful had to do with infant baptism and then what it meant for communion.  all of this is also in the context of two adorable kids i've been blessed to interact with the last few weeks at my ministry-in-context (mic) site.

this past sunday, one of the children (maybe 5 years old) came up for the children's sermon.  at my mic site the baptismal font is at the front of the church so that we pass it as we come up for communion.  the font has a fairly good sized clear bowl (with high sides) holding an inch or two of water.  as the child came up, he reached up on his tippiest of tip toes and reached down, just barely reaching the water with the tip of his finger.  after dipping it in the water, he brought his hand to his own forehead and made the sign of the cross on his forehead!

each week that i have helped with communion, one child (about 3 years old) continuously comes up for communion with her mom.  the pastor blesses her and she holds out her hands expectantly and her mom, after receiving a piece of bread from the pastor breaks her bread in two and gives a piece to her daughter.  the child is so eager for communion, but has to receive it through her mother rather than directly from the pastor!

the child remembering his baptism pointed to two things for me: 1-kids get the sacraments way more than we give them credit for (and, perhaps, way more than adults like me do!), and 2-we need more water in that font!!  each time the other child comes up for communion, i am reminded also that kids get the sacraments in ways many of us adults don't and i question what she is being taught as she has to receive communion by way of her mom.

luther argued for infant baptism for a variety of reasons.  jesus tells his disciples to baptize all in his name an children are part of that all.  also, baptism has been practiced from the beginning of christianity and infant baptism has lasted for so long that it can't be a heresy.  if it were a heresy, the holy spirit would've conveyed that by now and we would've stopped doing it.  god blessed children and has accomplished great things in and with them, so why shouldn't we trust god to work in them through baptism?  also, and one of the most compelling reasons for me, infant baptism affirms that we as humans don't contribute to baptism.  it's all god.  god's grace, not our effort, work, or initiative.

this then raised the question: why don't we do infant eucharist as well?  if we trust god to work in baptism, why don't we trust god to work in eucharist?  growing up, my family was the god family for another family's two kids and i distinctly remember at their baptism the priest (they were episcopal) telling as all that the candidates for baptism, following their baptism were welcome to come and receive communion as well.  baptism into christ's death and resurrection - baptism into the body of christ; followed almost immediately by communion, christ's body broken for all of god's people.

when a child comes to me with hands open eager to receive communion, i will have a really, really hard time not just giving it to them.  no matter what i will seek out a conversation with their parent(s)/guardians as soon as possible.  if we deny children communion, are we not denying christ as well?  are we not denying god's power and grace?  i can't help remember my sermon from christ the king sunday last week: christ frees us to encounter christ in everyone everywhere.  christ frees us to encounter christ in the least of these.  if children are not the least of these, i don't know who is.  communion is at christ's table and we are just recipients: god gives we receive, who are we to try to control god?

word and sacrament for all!

according to luther all of us, through baptism, have the authority to preach the word and administer the sacraments!!  for luther, this meant that even in his time, when women were not allowed to be pastors, they were allowed to do emergency baptisms (since it was primarily women who were present for births as midwives and there was a high infant mortality rate, this was a really handy position for luther to have). 

this ontological sense of calling to word and sacrament ministry has strong implications for what it means to be an ordained minister.  all of us are called as a priesthood of all believers, some of us are called to ministry in teaching, farming, banking, etc., while others are called to ordained word and sacrament ministry.  after all, if everyone has the authority to preach the word and administer the sacraments, then why is there even a need for pastors?

in a simply practical sense: it's necessary for someone to be appointed, because if everyone did it each time, it would be total chaos.  instead, from the community we pick people to represent the community in the preaching of the word and the administration of the sacraments.  because the call to word and sacrament ministry is a call for all, no individual can just usurp the position.  no person can say "I'll do it and no one else."  The call must come from the community as well, which is why the elca candidacy process is so nice and complicated.  many other churches have a simpler policy, yet the elca's candidacy process is one of mutual discernment for individuals and the communities calling them to ordained word and sacrament ministry.

one of the really cool things about ordination is the role with respect to the sacraments.  ordination is not considered a sacrament itself, at least not for lutherans, but because ordination to word and sacrament ministry includes administrating the sacraments, those who serve in this capacity function as a means of the means of grace.  the sacraments are understood as a means by which we experience god's grace, so those who administer them are a means for them.  what an honor it is to be called to a life as the means of the means of grace!

since, as i already mentioned, all of us are priests, a calling received at baptism, we each have the possibility to be the means of the means of god's grace.  indeed, we can daily be the means of god's grace in our interactions with each other and with ourselves, but we also can be the channel through which god's grace is experienced in a tangible person-to-person interaction and in a tangible sacramental interaction.  the sacraments bring us all together and in our gathering we choose people, recognizing and affirming their gifts, to administer the sacraments on behalf of the whole community. 

christ frees us to encounter christ the king sunday

“When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on the throne of his glory. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats, and he will put the sheep at his right hand and the goats at the left.

Then the king will say to those at his right hand, ‘Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.’

Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food, or thirsty and gave you something to drink? And when was it that we saw you a stranger and welcomed you, or naked and gave you clothing? And when was it that we saw you sick or in prison and visited you?’

And the king will answer them, ‘Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.’

Then he will say to those at his left hand, ‘You that are accursed, depart from me into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels; for I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not give me clothing, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.’

Then they also will answer, ‘Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not take care of you?’

Then he will answer them, ‘Truly I tell you, just as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’ And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.” 

 -  (Matthew 25:31-46)

Before starting seminary, I spent a year with the ELCA’s Young Adults in Global Mission program in Slovakia.  During the year, I worked with Roma, or gypsies, and non-Roma, or gadje, in after school programs, youth group, and church. 

During orientation for my year, we were told that as we went to our countries of service, we were not going to bring God to the people there.  Instead, we were going to find that God is already at work in and with the people we were going to serve.

It wasn’t about trying to be Christ’s presence for others, trying to be, as Martin Luther said “little Christs.”  It was about recognizing Christ in those we were to encounter.  In the family I lived with, the youth I worked with, in the Roma, discriminated against because of things they could not change, in the “gadje,” trapped in the role of oppressor, discriminating because they knew no other way. 

How hard it was for me to see Christ in those I disagreed with. 

Salvation meant something completely different to my host parents than it did to me.  The gadje youth who distrusted and joked about the Roma youth I connected with so deeply.  The Roma youth who spoke bitterly of the gadje youth I also connected with so deeply.  I struggled to see Christ in each person I encountered while I was in Slovakia.

Even harder, though, has been coming back.  I have been back for just over a year now and each day I struggle, much of the time forgetting, to recognize Christ in those I encounter on a day-to-day basis.  Sometimes I wish God could give me one of those big orange highway signs, but instead of “men working” it would say “Christ working.”  But that’s what this reading is.  This reading is our “Christ working” sign, making sure we know that God is working and Christ is in, and indeed is, all those around us.

Although this reading has oftentimes been used to encourage people to acts of charity, its radical nature lies not in what people do, but precisely in where Jesus is found.  Jesus says, “Truly I tell you, just as you did (or did not) do it to one of the least of these, you did (or did not) do it to me.”  Here, Jesus fully identifies as the “least of these.” 

Jesus!

the Son of Man

king

Lord

the Christ

fully identifies in humanity. 

He doesn’t just say that we should treat each other nicely, he says that as we treat others so we treat him.  Our interactions as humans with other humans are no longer simply person-to-person, they are interactions with Christ. 

Neither the group on the right nor the one on the left really gets what Jesus is talking about.  They respond to Jesus’ declaration of what they have or have not done by asking when exactly this took place, because they don’t seem to quite recall it.  The two groups are simply living their lives, yet Jesus surprises them as he reveals that their actions were not ordinary actions, but were actions done to Christ. 

“Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me,” the king answers the group on the right.  

 “Truly I tell you, just as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me,” he tells the group on the left.  Christ is in those that each group encountered daily. 

Now I can use my resources to buy fair trade, but if I am motivated more by pity or guilt than by love and recognition of Christ in those who grow the coffee beans I buy, then what does it mean?  In the reading for today, we find the climax of Matthew’s identification of who exactly this Christ is.  We find that Christ is “the least of these.”  Christ is not there to encourage “good behavior,” but to be the “other.” 

Like the people in today’s reading, Christ surprises us when Christ is present in the “other” we encounter each day.  Christ surprises us and frees us to encounter Christ in the Starbucks barista. Christ frees us to encounter Christ in the blue line train operator taking us to work or school each day.

Christ frees us to encounter Christ in the person who cuts us off in rush hour traffic... and in the person we cut off in rush hour traffic.  Christ frees us to encounter Christ in the annoying person on their phone on the bus.  Christ frees us to encounter Christ in the gossiper, the snitch, the teacher’s pet, the reject, the goth, the popular one, and the athlete. 

Christ frees us to encounter Christ in the person asking for money or food at the Kennedy Expressway exit. Christ frees us to encounter Christ in the person unwilling to give even spare change or a sandwich to alleviate our hunger.

Christ frees us to encounter Christ in the classmate who is harassed and bullied each day ………and in the bully who knows no other way to feel good than to bully.  Christ frees us to encounter Christ in the neglected.   the abused.   the addicted.

Christ frees us to encounter Christ in the 99% and in the 1%. Christ frees us to encounter Christ in the Republican, the Democrat, the Independent, the Tea Party-er, the Occupy-er.

Christ frees us to encounter Christ in the lesbian woman, the straight man, the gay man, the transgender woman, and the precious child of God still questioning and exploring who they are and whom they might love. 

Christ frees us to encounter Christ in the homeless, the home-blessed, and the homebound.  Christ frees us to encounter Christ in the hospitalized, the disabled, the temporarily abled, the differently abled.

Christ frees us to encounter Christ in the one behind bars, the one keeping others behind bars, the one who should be behind bars, and the one who is free............. But what about Penn State?  How can we possibly encounter Christ in Jerry Sandusky, Coach Joe Paterno, President Stanier, the survivors, the students rioting and those holding vigils? 

Christ frees us to encounter Christ in the Christian, the Jewish, the Muslim, the Buddhist, the Atheist neighbor. Christ frees us to encounter Christ in the Native American, the Caucasian, the African American, the Latina/o.  Christ frees us to encounter Christ in the recent immigrant, who shares a room with five to ten other immigrants some with papers and some without all scrimping and saving money to send back home to put food on the table.

Christ frees us to encounter Christ in those who have power over us and in those over whom we have power. Christ frees us to encounter Christ in our children, our siblings, our parents, our grandparents, and cousins.  Even when we are stressed by all of those gathered around our tables and TVs with food to be shared.  As we look ahead to Thanksgiving and Christmas, it is easy to be overwhelmed with the prospect of so many people in one space at one time, and yet Christ is there and frees us to encounter Christ among all the chaos!

Christ frees us to encounter Christ in the parking lot, in the playground, in the Three Brothers’ Garden, the hospital, the nursing home, the office building, the grocery store.  Christ frees us to encounter Christ as we come together today to be fed.  Christ welcomes all to a common table to share in the feast—the body and blood of our Savior, uniting us in one body—to receive God’s grace in the midst of this community.

Christ frees us to encounter Christ in each other and Christ frees us to encounter Christ in ourselves. Christ frees us to encounter Christ everywhere because Christ our King’s reign is   just.       that.        big!

Amen!

we are the church!

one of the coolest things to come from the reformation and martin luther is luther's doctrine of the church, specifically when it comes to who the church is.  at the time of the reformation, the common understanding of the church as very hierarchical.  in this model, the clergy were considered the church.  luther flipped this understanding on its head.  instead of the church being clergy, the church was the people!

the people!!

i don't know if you realize how awesome and crazy that is!  even today we have trouble understanding who the church is.  luther used the german word gemein(d)e which is church as in a community, a group of people, a congregation.  this is more in line with the greek word ekklesia, which means an assembly and is the word used in the new testament to refer to the church.  in the greek, ekklesia refers not just to any assembly, but a democratic assembly.  a place where the gathered people have voice!  in today's (lutheran) church, we have gotten away (to greater or lesser extents) from the idea of church as clergy and very hierarchical, but i don't think we always remember the church is the people.

usually when i talk about church, it's understood that i'm really talking about the chapel or building where worship takes place.  i say i am going to church, not i am the church, or even better: we are the church.  in today's day and age with so much focus on the economy and possession (whether it's those that have not sharing or those that do not demanding it), we have even made church into a possession.  the dynamism of a body of christ is lost in the church as a building concept.

to bring back the understanding of us as church, we not only have to let go of our obsession with possessions, but we also have to let go of our "rugged individualism."  christianity is a communal religion.  we are called into community and understood as a unique community of god in the world.  throughout the epistles, we as the church are identified with christ's body.  we have a plethora of diverse gifts, yet christ's love for us and our loving response unite us.  this means that we are to be radically countercultural as we concern ourselves with the well-being of all of us, not just 1% and not just 99%, but all 100% of us.  we are the church!

this also means that if you or i don't like something the church is doing, there's a really simple solution: do something different!  if we are the church (which we are), then what we do is what the church does and what the church does is what we do. 

a couple weeks ago we celebrated the reformation, a time when people didn't like what the church was doing.  instead of complaining, though they did list their complaints, they changed what they were doing, causing the church to change.  in that case it resulted in a split, but there have been smoother changes in the church as well.  in the elca, we didn't like what the church was doing, so there was a movement to begin ordaining women again (after all, there were plenty of women leaders in the early church) and to recognize and affirm the gifts for ministry of people of all sexual orientations and gender identities.

change inevitably brings anxiety as we enter into a new unknown, but we are the church and so we must change as the holy spirit continues her amazing work in and through us.  may we rise to the promise: we are the church!

god's promises are trustworthy

in discussing luther's doctrine of god, we focused a lot on bondage of the will, one of luther's writings that the professor actually doesn't like.  in it, luther backs himself into a bit of a corner as he seeks to support the claim that "god's promises are trustworthy."  in order to prove this, luther argues that god foresees everything by god's will, that is, god is noncontingent. 

according to luther, in order for god's promises to be trustworthy, god must foreknow everything and if god foreknows everything, then (here luther falls into the double predestinarian trap, assuming that he knows god's hiddenness) god damns certain people and has mercy on others.  for luther to state this makes luther a theologian of glory as he purports to reveal god's hiddenness.

the problem is that luther is pressing for certainty with respect to god.  luther thinks that in order for god's promises to be trustworthy, god must be in total and complete control and therefore must be damning some and showing mercy to others.  actually, god's promises can be trustworthy and we can trust in them and in god (luther's definition of faith) without certainty about god's foreknowledge and actions.  as paul tillich would assert, doubt is a necessary part of faith.  to state faith claims with certainty is to no longer have faith because faith is belief without certainty.

so, in luther's doctrine of god, the key part is that god's promises are trustworthy.  the rest of it comes to be contradicted sooner or later (which is actually for the better for some of it).  the best way for me to believe that god's promises are trustworthy is to go back to the bible.  one of my favorite stories is the story of the israelites' exodus from egypt to the land of canaan.  god hears god's people and rescues them. 

as the israelites wander in the desert, god gives the ten commandments.  in jewish numbering, the first commandment is god's fulfillment of god's promise.  god promised land to abraham and to be god for his descendants and the first commandment is "i am the lord your god who brought you out of the land of egypt, out of the house of slavery." (i know, i've mentioned this before, but i really do love this!)  god's first commandment is god fulfilling god's promise!! 

this is only one of many times throughout the bible where god fulfills god's promise.  this then informs my life as i work to trust in god's promises.  since god is both hidden and revealed (revealed in christ, yet still hidden), the most i can ever do is trust. 

i (and you, for that matter) don't need to work and reason my way to anything, i just need to trust that, as is written in john 3:17, "god did not send the son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him."  god came to save.  god came in human form to return us to right relationship with god's self.  this frees me to live and to love in response to god's promises for me and my life, trusting that god is just, yet merciful.

cross v. glory

a lot of luther's theology of the cross has to do with suffering.  christ redeems us, but christ redeems us from death, not from suffering.  in fact, for luther, suffering is to be expected.  if we as a church are faithful to christ, then we as christ's body will suffer.  jesus came to earth and in his faithfulness to god and his mission, he suffered to the point of death on a cross!  god's relationship with humanity is important enough to god that god is willing to suffer humiliation and death to restore us to right relationship.

in luther's context as well as our context today, the church has become much more accepted and so the church actually has power in our cultures.  this means that it is very easy--and very tempting--for the church to use or abuse that power both now and in luther's time.  the church is tempted to view the world, not through the lens of christ, but through the lens of culture.  instead of seeing christ in the "least" of these, the focus is on the powerful, the ones with the purse strings.

the question becomes: how is the body of christ being faithful to god as made known in christ?  it is when we are faithful to christ that we will suffer in society.  what does it mean to be faithful?  where do we rest as a church when we are faithful to christ?  what is our mission?  how do we live as if the reign of god were already here, because, indeed, it is already a done deal.

the theology of the cross is, as paul stated, "god chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; god chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; god chose what is low and despised in the world, things that are not, to reduce to nothing things that are, so that no one might boast in the presence of god." (1 cor. 1:27-29)  god flipped our human understanding on its head, totally reorienting what is good and what is evil.  this means that what we see as good (works, acts of kindness, etc.) really are not and what we see as bad (suffering, humbleness/humility, etc.) really are good.

a theology of glory is tempting.  i certainly would like to do enough good to earn my way into heaven, to earn god's approval and love, but then there's the reality that i will never do enough good to earn my way.  so, the theology of the cross is, indeed, the only option with hope.  if i am to be in right relationship with god, i have to rely on god, recognizing that it is god's good and god's way of being that is good, not the surrounding culture's way.

law v. gospel...or is it all just grace?

so, according to martin luther sin separates us from god and separation from god is a killer (in the sense that living is being in right relationship with god and dying is being separated from god).  the thing about sin is that we don't always know that we do it.  it's easy to justify and excuse away our many sins.  this is where law comes in.  now, i differ a bit from luther on the purpose of the law.  for luther, law is there so people know how we have sinned (a theological understanding) and to keep us from sinning more (a civil understanding). 

in this day and age, it seems that the majority of us don't really need law to know that we are separated from god, to know that we have messed up.  sin is everywhere we look and we are hurting far too well to be oblivious to it.  throughout the bible, we read of god's grace coming before any judgment or law.  the garden of eden exists far before humans eat of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.  according to jewish numbering, the first of the ten commandments is "i am the lord your god who brought you out of the land of egypt, out of the house of slavery."  only after those words of grace and salvation does the law come in.

so the purpose of the law is to help us understand the magnitude of god's grace rather than the magnitude of our sins and separation from god.  this has a twofold implication:

1-it focuses on god's action rather than our (poor/in)action.  god's already saved us from our sins.  jesus took care of that.  in this sense it further emphasizes that god is the acting agent, not humanity, in the relationship (which is something luther was pretty big on). 

2-it leads to new life and renewal in relationship.  instead of making us feel bad about ourselves and our hopeless situations of sin and destruction, it encourages us and propels us into joyful response to god's grace, renewing our relationship.

for luther law confronts humanity with the reality of sin, leading us to despair and death.  then, when we realize that god is confronting us with the reality of sin, we distance ourselves from god.  this allows for gospel to come in so that we might be in right relationship with God.  luther basically separates them out into distinct categories/things, while i see law and gospel as god's means of grace.  we receive god's grace and the good news is that we can't earn it and that it is huge!!  that is conveyed by law (and gospel, because it is, indeed, good news).

so then the question (regardless of which side is taken) becomes: so what?  what does that have to do with us now?

if we're taking luther's approach to law and gospel, then there seem to be quite a few politicians who might need to be told that taking funds from those in need to give to big companies is sin.  or perhaps person who doesn't take no for an answer in a sexual encounter.  but what about us "regular" folk?  do i need to know every sin i commit?  do i already know that i mess up...a lot?  no, i already know that.  but do i need to hear the good news that god has covered my bases for me?  yes.  is gospel the assurance that i can't be perfect and stressing out about it will not help?  yes.  is that also law?  yes.  so maybe it really does all just fit under grace.

christ the redeemer

this past week in my theology of martin luther class we discussed luther's christology, that is to say, what luther had to say (or write) about jesus christ.  for luther, jesus is the ultimate self-revelation of god's heart (although god is still hidden, never fully known by us).  this then informs luther's understanding of god as luther explains the second article of the apostles creed to mean that jesus as lord is redeemer. 

christ redeems us.  christ frees us from being slaves to sin and death.  we are freed to choose life abundant.  this choice is not always easy, but in god we are always invited into life-giving relationship.  we receive love and hope in our redeemer so that we can go into a broken world and bring that hope to the hopelessness of the world.  christ is good news to the oppressed, because christ redeems the oppressed from situations of oppression, joining the outcasts and welcoming them at the table.  christ redeems the oppressors from systems of oppression, inviting them into a new way of being that is safe from domination, where they are free to be themselves without holding power over others.

luther's christology helps in interpreting scriptures.  the bible is authoritative, yet within the bible there are contradictions.  because god is ultimately made known to us in jesus christ, the gospels are the scripture used to interpret the rest of scripture.  the story of god at work in the world in jesus is the lens through which we understand god's saving actions throughout human history.  this is also why we stand during the reading of the gospel in worship; the gospels account for jesus' life, death, and resurrection.  by standing for the gospels, we are standing in reverence and respect for christ our redeemer.

so, as we set about interpreting scripture, we also interpret it through the lens of the gospel.  in a practical and personal way, this means that when verses from leviticus are tossed around, we go back to a redeemer who sat with the tax collectors and outcasts.  we go to a god who preached love for all of god's children.  we go to a god of love and justice to boldly proclaim that that love in our lives and in the world trumps the levitical law.  we rejoice in the freedom to respond to and trust in god's love for us and for all god's children.  we are freed to make christ known through our lives seeking love and dignity for all people.

the death of an innocent man

last night, an innocent man died.  this time, as in far too many other times, it was at the hand of the state.  troy davis spent nearly half his life awaiting execution.  he was innocent (if you don't believe me, check out his story) and yet he was killed.

a friend posted that she was about to lose all faith in the justice system.  someone else replied that as messed up as it is, it's "better than a mob lynching you or stoning you to death."  to that i have to ask: is it?  is troy davis' execution anything other than legal lynching by another method?

officer macphail's murder is a tragedy and justice needs to be served, but high emotional stakes coercing eye witness testimonies and preventing people from hearing and seeing the truth led to the unjust execution of one more black man accused of killing a white man.  not only that, but in the days and hours leading up to his execution, the delays and denials and second chances at hope amounted to emotional torture.  to state minutes before the scheduled execution that there will be a delay for a final appeal and then three hours later to deny the appeal is pointless.  it would've been better to have executed him like you did anyway than to have a show of seeking justice, which was not found.  

while justice may be blind, the justice system is not.  it is made up of fallible humans who come to every trial with their own biases.  troy davis maintained his innocence until his last breath.  in his final statement he reached out to the macphail family asking them to look deeper into the case so that they can find the truth about what happened that night.  then in close he said, "i ask my family and friends to continue to fight this fight.  for those about to take my life, god have mercy on your souls.  and may god bless your souls."


no one deserves to be killed.  troy davis didn't even deserve "guilty."


last night i did weep.  i wept for troy davis, i prayed for troy davis.  georgia representative john lewis stated last night, "do not weep for troy anthony davis, he will be with god, weep for georgia and for our nation.  capital punishment is barbaric."  today i weep for georgia and for our country and i pray for all our souls.

mic

as a middler (a person in her second year of seminary working towards my m div), i have been assigned a ministry-in-context (mic) site.  it's basically a teaching parish to help me get used to church life from a church leadership perspective.  i began last sunday and today was our rally day (the kickoff for sunday school and the school year worship schedule, etc.).  yesterday when i was meeting people to set up for rally day, i found out that that morning one of the matriarchs of the church, n, had died unexpectedly.  she had been away last sunday, so i hadn't yet met her, but it was clear from the conversations that have happened since receiving the news that she was very involved in the church and that everyone at the church cared deeply for her.

today was a bizarre day.  we began the day with rally day arts and crafts activities, singing in the community garden (we grabbed hands, bumped rumps, and sang the love round - bringing back very fond memories of both sunday school and rainbow trail).  we paraded around the block and took a picture on the church steps.  this was all a very lively and joy-filled way to begin our sunday.

once we got into the building and found our seats, the mood changed quite noticeably.  in the announcements the pastor mentioned n's death as well as the anniversary of the september 11th attacks.  the sermon spoke of a god who sees us in all our grief and anger and hurt and who knows us, pulling from the exodus story.  the pastor spoke of n's love and commitment to the church and the pain of her death as well as to the pain of september 11, 2001.  together, as a community, we grieved.  tears cascaded down people's cheeks as the choir sang "amazing grace."  it was the saddest, most powerful "amazing grace" i have ever heard.  during the sharing of the peace, it was clear that this community, hugging and crying together, was a safe place to be real.  we gathered and we felt.  we were honest with each other and we were present.

although i never knew n, i am honored to be connected to her through my church and this sunday that they shared with me.

commuting

ok, so it's been awhile since i last blogged.  this is not because nothing has been happening in the world of cpe, but instead that a TON has been happening so i haven't had the time/energy to blog.

i quickly realized, upon beginning cpe, that the commute would be substantial.  on classroom days, it's a mere 45 or so minutes (more if i get off the subway early and get coffee at my favorite coffee place and walk the extra blocks), not too bad.  when it's time to head to the docks to hang out with the seafarers, it usually amounts to about 2 hours.  this is if our timing is good and we make it in time for the #40 bus to the ports (if not, we have to wait for the next bus an hour later).

now, i know what you're thinking (or maybe i don't, but we'll pretend i do).  2 hours!  each way?!  that's awful!  well, it would be.  if it weren't for two things:

1-my kindle.  my aunt got me a kindle for graduation from college and i loaded it up with books and took it to slovakia instead of taking a ton of books.  i didn't get through all of the books while in slovakia (i didn't quite get around to many of the classics, which were free downloads since the copyright had expired) and brought the kindle with me to nyc, knowing that i would at least have a bit of a commute.  i've now read: the death of ivan ilych (for cpe), marley & me, bait, and am 95% done with the final book of the golden compass series (next up: frankenstein).  as i travel around manhattan, i bring my kindle everywhere and read, so leg #1 of the commute is occupied by my kindle.

2-my cpe partner, m.  m is an open orthodox rabbi.  i know, confusing.  i'm not going to try to explain what that means to you (although if you're really curious, i can give you some more info), except to say that i have found him to be full of grace in his approach to life.  m and i spend the other two legs of our journey together, taking the path train to new jersey and then the #40 bus out to the ports.  this has been amazing for me.  although i was hesitant at first, i look forward to our conversations.  we have talked about a lot (everything from queerness to the middle east to cpe and why we do what we do how we do it).  the conversations are thought provoking and deep rather than surface level chit-chat and i have thought deep and hard about several things that i had never given much thought before this summer.

an added bonus is that i wear my clerical collar every day and so to the unknowing observer we look like a pastor and a rabbi (i don't know if maurice looks like a rabbi or not, but we'll say he does).  we are the beginning of so many jokes!!!  we walk around all the time, so it really is "a pastor and a rabbi walk..."  (except that i am not yet a pastor, but they don't know that)  i really like being a visible indicator of interfaith dialogue.  it's awesome.

anyway, the commute is one of the parts of my summer that i didn't expect, but have come to cherish greatly.

coincidence? maybe not

yesterday was my first day of classroom-ish time at cpe (clinical pastoral education - basically functioning as a chaplain).  when we went around to do introductions, my cpe supervisor introduced herself and mentioned that she was from slovakia (which i had learned in email introductions, where she had also mentioned that she had been a pastor in eastern slovakia).  she never mentioned where she was a pastor in emails, but when she introduced herself to our group, i discovered that she was a pastor in rankovce!!

before monika and lubo (my host parents) were pastors, there was another clergy couple who were pastors in rankovce and while i was in rankovce i had heard a bit about them, but not too much, so their names easily slipped out of my mind, until yesterday.  silvia and her husband were pastors of the church in rankovce and now she is my site supervisor.  how cool is that?

i'm excited to see where god takes me on this continuing journey.  although i had an incredible experience during my year in slovakia, there were parts of it (as with everything) that were not ideal.  i think this summer might just provide me with the opportunity to redeem some of those parts, and i'm excited to see what the summer brings :)

adventure of the week

ok, so far my entries have not been particularly exciting, but wait til you hear (or read) what happened yesterday on my way to meet with my cpe group! 

so, normally i give myself an extra 15 or so minutes when trying to use public transit, which meant yesterday that i was heading out the door (for a quick stop downstairs to grab my water and apple out of the fridge) of my 13th floor apartment at 8:25ish for a 48 minute (according to google maps) trip downtown where i would meet my cpe group at 9:30. 

on the landing halfway between the 12th and 11th floors, i saw a cat.  it was a gray cat and looked to me quite a bit like apollo, the cat that lives in the apartment which also has the refrigerator i use (and the amazing family i live with-ish).  i'm allergic to cats, so i generally try to keep my distance a bit, so i couldn't be sure.  i decided to keep going and if, upon arrival at the apartment, i realized there was no cat there, i would proceed from there.

upon arrival, i listened intently for apollo and even called out for him.  i received no reply.  so, i was stuck with a dilemma.  i had left a bit early, so i did have some time, and if i knew where the cat was and didn't get it, i would not feel right, but i'm allergic to cats and what if apollo was just hiding really well somewhere??  perhaps needless to say, i headed back up to the landing and gently nudged apollo down to the 11th floor, quickly realizing that nudging him down every floor would take far too long. 

i pressed the button for the elevator and blocked his escape back up the stairs.  when the elevator opened, i caught him around the stomach and guided him into the elevator, where he very quickly made a desperate bid for freedom.  after a little wrestling (he dug his claws into the part with the elevator door - i was part terrified he'd go bolting back outside the elevator and part terrified the elevator door would close on him/us), we were in the elevator with the door closed and the button pushed for our floor.

my focus remained on apollo who was pacing around and when the elevator door opened onto a woman, a dog (on a leash), and a child, apollo headed out with me right behind him, apologizing for the cat coming out of the elevator.  without looking up (knowing that there are only two doors per floor on all but one in the building), i opened the door to what i thought was the right apartment and apollo and i headed in.  as i looked up, a young man turned in his chair to face me and i immediately realized that this was not the right apartment and therefore i had made it to the wrong floor--gotten out early. 

so commenced the next stage of capture apollo.  i grabbed apollo to bring him back outside and after clamping down on me, he quickly made it out of my hands and instead of heading out the open door, he tried to go back between my legs into the apartment.  i grabbed him as he dug into the welcome mat/carpet in the short hallway thing.  when apollo came up, so did the carpet.  we were not getting anywhere.  i let go of him to get a better grip and the nice young man grabbed his front paws and picked them up, detaching them from the carpet.  i grapped onto apollo, apologized and headed out the door. 

once we were back on the stairs, apollo began to whine and so i let him down and nudged him down the next two flights.  once we were only 4-5 stairs away from the apartment, he bolted to the door, confirming that it was, in fact, apollo.  i let him in, with a bit of a scolding, grabbed my water and apple and headed out.  i still had 4 minutes to spare. 

on the way, i did manage to transfer onto the L line at 14th st. and seeing that the train was already there when i descended the stairs, i got right on.  as the doors closed a voice clearly stated "next stop 8th avenue."  i was going to 1st avenue!  luckily it was only one stop (made a bit longer by traffic on the tracks) and then i was at the end of the line and could hop on the train heading back the other way, though i wasn't sure about my timing after that additional detour.

luckily, i'm a fast walker, and i ended up still arriving 5 minutes early at 9:25.  what a morning that was, though!