Sunday, March 06, 2016

a first person account of the prodigal: lent 4c


The first reading, underlying the sermon, is 2 Corinthians 5:16-21.

The holy gospel according to Luke (15:1-3, 11b-32)

Now all the tax collectors and sinners were coming near to listen to Jesus.
      2And the Pharisees and the scribes were grumbling and saying,
            “This fellow welcomes sinners and eats with them.”
      3So he told them this parable:

“There was a man who had two sons.
      12The younger of them said to his father,
            ‘Father, give me the share of the property that will belong to me.’
                  So he divided his property between them.
      13A few days later the younger son gathered all he had
            and traveled to a distant country,
            and there he squandered his property in dissolute living.
            14When he had spent everything,
                  a severe famine took place throughout that country,
                  and he began to be in need.
            15So he went and hired himself out
                  to one of the citizens of that country,
                        who sent him to his fields to feed the pigs.
                              16He would gladly have filled himself with the pods
                                    that the pigs were eating;
                                          and no one gave him anything.
            17But when he came to himself he said,
                  ‘How many of my father’s hired hands have bread enough and to spare,
                        but here I am dying of hunger!
                        18I will get up and go to my father,
                              and I will say to him,
                                    “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you;
                                          19I am no longer worthy to be called your son;
                                                treat me like one of your hired hands.”’
      20So he set off and went to his father.
            But while he was still far off,
                  his father saw him and was filled with compassion;
                  he ran and put his arms around him and kissed him.
            21Then the son said to him,
                  ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you;
                        I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
            22But the father said to his slaves,
                  ‘Quickly, bring out a robe—the best one
                        and put it on him;
                        put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet.
                  23And get the fatted calf and kill it,
                        and let us eat and celebrate;
                              24for this son of mine was dead and is alive again;
                                    he was lost and is found!’
                                          And they began to celebrate.

25“Now his elder son was in the field;
      and when he came and approached the house,
            he heard music and dancing.
      26He called one of the slaves
            and asked what was going on.
      27He replied,
            ‘Your brother has come,
            and your father has killed the fatted calf,
                  because he has got him back safe and sound.’
      28Then he became angry and refused to go in.
            His father came out and began to plead with him.
      29But he answered his father,
            Listen!
                  For all these years I have been working like a slave for you,
                  and I have never disobeyed your command;
                        yet you have never given me even a young goat
                              so that I might celebrate with my friends.
                        30But when this son of yours came back,
                              who has devoured your property with prostitutes,
                                    you killed the fatted calf for him!’
      31Then the father said to him,
            ‘Son, you are always with me,
                  and all that is mine is yours.
                        32But we had to celebrate and rejoice,
                              because this brother of yours was dead
                                    and has come to life;
                              he was lost
                                    and has been found.’”

The gospel of the lord.

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It’s been years—it feels like forever.  I can still see his back loaded up with all he had, his animals carrying even more.  His words to our dad ringing in my ears.  He left us.  He told Dad he was as good as dead to him, took his inheritance,    and took off! 

As I watched him leave us behind for dead, I made up my mind and he became dead to me as well.

All those memories of playing and working and dancing together.  Growing up, he was always eager for an adventure, a new place to explore or a new game to play.  Sometimes it got a bit dangerous, but I was always there to dutifully keep him safe.  I was always there to watch and protect him.  Until he wasn’t there anymore.  Until he turned his back and left me.

It was so quiet in those days after he left.  Every noise drew our eyes back to the road.  Every shimmer of light in the hot son was my brother coming back.  Our nights were quiet.  We just sat, all of us together.  The stories of adventure and songs for dancing had left with my brother.

Night after night and day after day he didn’t come back.  And…eventually…we stopped looking up at every sound and squinting at every mirage.  We started to talk in the evenings, quietly at first, just a couple words, then news about the crops.  It never returned to the joy and exuberance of my brother, but we found a new normal.  It was more subdued, but it was still family and we got used to it.

Life went on.  A bit calmer, a bit quieter, and quite a bit more predictable.  We heard about famines far away, but our crops were growing just fine and I spent only a fleeting moment wondering if my brother was in one of those distant countries.

Then               everything changed.  I remember it like it was yesterday.

That morning, I finally accept that he’s gone for good—dead to me and, from his pattern of behavior and our lack of news, probably dead to the world.

But then, while walking in from another long day in the field, I hear a noise I haven’t heard in years.  Music!  I call over one of the slaves and ask what’s going on.

My.      Brother?  He’s dead!  Lost for good!  He is no brother to me!  He abandoned us while I stayed and served Dad faithfully, never asking for anything, doing all I could to make up for the lost work with his son gone.

And now he’s back?  With music?  He turned his back on us!  We were as good as dead to him!  I finally think I’ve let go of all the pain he caused me and here he is tearing open the old wound, peeling off the scab as my heart begins to bleed again with the pain of it all.

He’s back.  He’s back and there’s music and my dad kills the fatted calf for him!  All these years I’ve worked and for what?  For him to give his other son everything?!  What have I ever had to show for my years of work and obedience?  No thanks, no celebration, no acknowledgement, nothing.  I am the constant, I am the dependable one, and he is the one who put us to death, demanding his inheritance.

But here he is.  Back with music and joy.  And Dad is standing in front of me patiently begging me to come in.  He doesn’t get it!  All I can think is that I have worked like a slave—for what?  For nothing!  Never once has he given me even a goat!  We sit night after night, hardly breaking the silence and now the house will explode with the music, the feast, and the joy!  It’s not right.  It doesn’t fit.  Not anymore.

But here is my dad, standing before me, pleading me to joy, nevertheless.  And in there is his son.  Is … my brother. 

And then it hits me. 

If all that is Dad’s is mine, if we are always together, what if the joy and noise and celebration disappearing wasn’t all because of my brother leaving?  What if I had asked for a goat?  What if I had asked to dance?

My brother was dead—to us, at least—but even so he was always living.  He was lost—but finding new life and experiences.  What if the thing keeping my brother dead, keeping us in mourning, was ourselves? 

What if our house, our family, is a family of abundant joy?  What if we needed my brother to leave so that he could bring joy back into our lives, banishing my resentment? 

What if Dad’s love has always been big enough to celebrate and rejoice?  What if this whole time I have just been getting in my own way?  What if I give in to the celebration?  What if I choose to forgive the pain and hurt of losing my brother? 

What if I could remember the love and the joy?  What if I could risk it again?  What if I choose to remember the dancing and playing more than the loneliness and abandonment?  What if I enter the party?  Would it make all the difference?



It’s been years now since that night and I still remember the feast laid out.  The food was better than anything and the music still rings in my ears.  That night did make all the difference.  We laugh again now.  We dance; we even play sometimes, and we work together and sit together.  The pain and the hurt still come back, especially when I’m annoyed or frustrated.  But it no longer outweighs the joy.

We are family.  We’re different now than we were.  We can never be the family my brother left behind, but we are family in a new way now.  We sit and talk and we laugh and dance, sharing stories of pigs in distant lands, of tax collectors and sinners; and of mishaps and adventures at home.

It’s not always easy, but we’re figuring it out.  Sometimes I have to decide again to forgive him.  And our parents are patient with us and there are times when we all tread a little more lightly with each other. 

Dad was wrong, though.  It wasn’t just my brother.  We were all dead and have come to new life; we were all lost and have been found.

Thanks be to God.

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