heartbreak

My heart broke twice today.  Once before worship and once on the way home and it is still broken.  Before worship, I learned of an act of domestic terrorism on my people.  A gunman killed over 50 people and wounded more in the largest mass shooting in this country last night.  What some people didn’t say is that Pulse, the club the man opened fire at is a queer club in Orlando, Florida.  My heart broke.  And yet, from the start, this has been labeled an act of domestic terror. 

Before worship I had no news of the attacker.  It was weird to not hear any details apart from gender about this man and yet to know that it was being considered domestic terrorism.  During worship we prayed for the victims of the domestic terrorism last night and we prayed for the victims of domestic terrorism almost a year ago at Mother Emanuel AME Church in Charleston, South Carolina.  June 17th of last year a terrorist who is a member of mydenomination opened fire on a Bible Study.  This was not called domestic terrorism by much of the media and much of the country, but that is what it was.  In Charleston, the shooter was white.

After worship, as I looked at the reports, I found out that the shooter was Muslim and claimed to be attacking for ISIS.  My heart broke again.  That is why it was called domestic terrorism from the start.  It is an act of domestic terrorism.  Not because the shooter was Muslim, but because that’s what the act was.  The attack on Mother Emanuel was an act of domestic terrorism also.

My heart is broken.  This is terrible and yet our own community is not allowed to donate blood for those who were injured.  Our own community is still barred from donating blood to the Red Cross even as we are bleeding ourselves. 

Our own community is killed all the time.  Trans women of color, the originatorsof Pride Marches, the reason we celebrate Pride this month, face this threat in their own lives ALL. THE. TIME.  Now it is also hitting the places we go to be free, the mainstream.  To be ourselves and let our guard down.  This is not a new reality.  Maybe for some, but for many this is one more thing in a daily reality of fear for LGBTQ lives, especially for trans women of color everywhere.

My heart is broken.  It has been for a long time.  

To those of you who are straight, cis folks, you get to be heartbroken with us and pray with us, but I also expect you to do something: Change the gun laws. Preach from the pulpit. Educate people about Islam and LGBTQ folks, especially those in the BTQ category. Be present at TDOR in November. Change blood donation laws. Give money to LGBTQ organizations (especially organizations from/for communities of color and BTQ folks). Confess, repent, receive forgiveness.